


Excerpts from the Diary of Xander Harris, Watcher

by cmk418



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-02
Updated: 2008-10-02
Packaged: 2017-10-31 09:40:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/342580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cmk418/pseuds/cmk418
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some days, what they have doesn't seem too far from parenthood</p>
            </blockquote>





	Excerpts from the Diary of Xander Harris, Watcher

  
**October 23, 2004**

_Found the last of this bunch today. Why is it that just when you think you’ve seen everything, something comes along to surprise you? The journey took the three of us to Prague where we were led to an alley behind a dance club that sort of reminded me of the Bronze._

_This girl comes running through the alley. I know Buffy is tiny. but this girl makes Buffy look like a giant. I signaled to Jaci to get the crossbow ready because, sure enough, behind the runner is a vampire. The girl makes a leap onto a metal ladder hanging from a building, goes up a few steps, then executes a back flip, kicking the vamp in the head on the way down. To anybody else, it would be surreal seeing this happen, but her Slayer power is apparent. I threw out a stake to her, just to see how she’d react, but she doesn’t reach for it or anything. She just continues kicking and punching the creature. Nice moves, but not going to kill the thing. I really wanted her to get out of the way so that Jaci could take care of it. No sooner do I think that then the girl falls down flat and Jaci shoots the crossbow, dusting the vamp._

_I think Luna, aside from being telepathic, is a bit of a mind-reader as well. I’ll have to watch what I think around her._

_The girl’s name is Sasha, which is kinda cool, since it’s short for Alexandra. So she’s like a junior me. She’s nine and that makes her the baby of the group. I think about her out on the street and I wonder if her reasons for being there were the same as mine at that age. Her mother didn’t seem too put out about sending her away, and Sasha was way more excited than the two other girls about leaving home._

_The girls are full of questions. About their calling, about the school, about me. I try to answer them the best as possible, using Buffy and Faith as references. Yes, I have_ skimmed _the Watcher’s handbook, but book study has never been my strong suit. The personal questions are a little funny because none of them ask where I got the eye patch. They’re more of the ‘Are you married? Do you have kids?’ variety. I tell them ‘no’ to both. I don’t tell them about the wedding-that-wasn’t or that, based on my family history, I don’t think I’m cut out for fatherhood._

_I tell them about Giles too. How can I talk about the Council and not talk about Giles? Giles is the Council. It’s amazing when I think of it how far we’ve come since Sunnydale._

_Everyone, I mean._

_Not just Giles and me._

_Luna is grinning at me. What’s that about? Who knows what goes through the minds of these girls._

_I hope she doesn’t have a crush._

_The seatbelt sign is flashing. We’re making our descent into Heathrow now. I’ll have a few days here to get the girls acclimated and then it’s off again to find another group._

 

**October 26, 2004**

_I kinda freaked when I saw Giles with the baby. Two things came to mind – first was ‘how young is this Potential?’, second being ‘what the hell has Giles been up to?’ I calmed down a bit after he mentioned it was his niece, Elizabeth. He said he’d told me about her before, but I can’t remember._

_I briefed him on the girls, who are settling in nicely at the compound. Jaci and Luna have told me they’ll look after Sasha, but I’m a little worried about her. She’s like a younger sister and I remember how annoying Dawn was around that age._

_Okay, not remember exactly, but the fake memories are pretty clear that she wanted to tag along with us and we wouldn’t let her._

_I mentioned something about making sure Sasha doesn’t get left behind to Giles and he mumbled something about favoritism, to which I countered ‘Buffy’. ‘Nuff said, as far as I’m concerned._

_Had a brief moment of panic when Giles handed the baby to me. Are all babies like jello at that age? He had to help me rearrange myself a couple of times, til I could hold her without feeling like I was squashing her. Then he told me, ‘You look good like that.’_

_What the hell is that supposed to mean?_

 

**March 27, 2005**

_Brought Vanessa, Jasmine, and Cleo to the Academy today. I’m staying the rest of the week with Giles. Has he lost weight? I’ll have to talk to Andrew about making sure that Giles stops trying to survive just on tea and the occasional jelly doughnut. Maybe I’ll cook dinner tonight, something loaded with protein. I don’t think he’s been sleeping either, and I’m not quite sure how to address that problem, short of ~~tucking him in~~_

_Anyway, it’s weird how you notice the changes in people after being away for a while._

_Speaking of which, Sasha is thriving at the school. She and I are patrolling tonight, just the two of us. It’ll be fun seeing her in action._

_Maybe Giles wants to go._

_Listen to me. I just get done talking about how Giles looks skinny and like he hasn’t slept in a month and now I want to take him out on patrol. Is it selfish that I want to be with my two favorite people at the same time?_

 

**March 31, 2005**

_Headed to Johannesburg. I’m not escaping. Really._

_I know that Sasha was disappointed that I couldn’t stay longer, and I honestly could have put leaving off for another day or two, but if I did that, I’d probably do something stupid like ~~kis~~_

_Yeah. Not going to happen. Shouldn’t even think about it, Xan._

_Andrew’s going to look after Giles and send me reports. I really don’t like to see the guy running himself into the ground like that. I wonder if he still feels guilty about leaving us to fend for ourselves that winter and spring when Willow went all kerflooy. Probably. Nobody does guilt like Giles._

_It was a pretty good visit. Giles’ sister Marian brought Elizabeth over yesterday for us to watch babysit for a little while. She’s gotten big and is no longer jello. I’m not sure how well Marian would take that Giles and I read Elizabeth entries from Ehren Lucris’ diary. At that age, isn’t it just the tone that you read it in that’s important? And it’s not like Giles has a copy of “Goodnight, Moon” on his bookshelf. I’m not sure if it was the lack of apocalypses in 17th Century Ireland or-_

_God, I hope my diaries don’t turn out that boring. Because God knows who’s going to read it and maybe I should keep this personal stuff somewhere else, but maybe this is the most interesting thing in this diary, because while it’s awesome that I can talk about Luna’s magical prowess – she can levitate things (and people!) which she demonstrated on me – or gush over the fact that Jaci killed her first vamp in hand-to-hand just last week, or confess that Cleo makes me a little nervous – maybe the fact that she’s 6’2” has something to do with it, it’s still kinda statisticy and dry._

_But it was either Lucris’ diary or Giles’ voice that did me in because I woke up with the baby asleep in my arms and my head on Giles’ shoulder. His eyes were closed and I just spent a moment drinking him in. And then he blinked and I moved off him as quick as I could. Then he smiled._

_Does he look like that every time he wakes up? ~~I’d like to find out~~_

_I’m not escaping. Really._

_I’m going to try to sleep now, considering I didn’t get any last night._

 

**December 24, 2006**

_Arriving in London today. Seems like ages since I’ve been home. Strange to think as London as home, but since Sunnydale’s a crater and London is the base of operations and Giles’ house is Scoob Central, it fits better than anyplace else._

_Andrew reports that Giles is doing well. I don’t think he knows that we’re looking out for him. Knowing Giles, he’d probably take offense at that. I don’t think he misses me too much. He always extends an invitation to me to stay with him and to stay longer than the single day I allow myself, but I think he’s just being polite. And we’ve still so much to do that I find myself driven to find all the Slayers in every corner of the world._

_Mrs. Simmons, my fifth grade geography teacher, would be impressed that I can now name all the capitol cities of Europe, five rivers in Africa, and two mountain ranges in South America. The fun never stops._

_I’m looking forward to my visit. It’s odd coming here without a Slayer or two accompanying me. We’re having a Scooby Christmas. Willow, Buffy, Giles, Dawn, and Andrew will all be there. I’m not sure if Faith is coming in or not. I still have mixed feelings, even after all this time, about seeing her. And even though I’ve known Willow my whole life, Faith has always been able to read certain things about me. She’ll totally bust me over ~~the Giles thing~~. She’s attuned to things like that._

_I think I spent a small fortune in Christmas gifts. Between the girls and Andrew, the junior Slayers (not including Sasha), Sasha, and Giles, I’m hauling a suitcase and a half full of presents. Thank God for the Council jet and the glamour that the Council has placed on the luggage in order to get it through Customs without incident. Explaining the sword, dagger, crossbow, and flame thrower might be a bit of a problem._

_I wonder who will be waiting for me at the airport. Andrew, most likely. He usually gets drafted into this sort of thing. That’s fine with me. I’ll get caught up on the episodes of_ Doctor Who _that I missed while traveling._

 

**December 24, 2006**

_Giles was at the airport. Apparently whatever Andrew has been doing is working since he’s back to looking more his normal self. He says that I seem to have lost weight though. I just told him that I missed his cooking and then watched him blush and stammer and blush some more. It’s too adorable and I’m tempted to make him do something like that again._

_Bad news. The rest of the gang, unfortunately, were sent to Cleveland to help Faith and Wood eliminate a nest of H’jaliu demons, and then Faith and Wood are having Christmas for the Sunnydale survivors there. It sucks because I haven’t seen Willow in ages and Buffy in longer than that. But H’jaliu demons have a tendency to regenerate, so the more people who can control the situation, the better._

_Both Giles and I decided to spend the night at the Council. Giles to monitor things, and me, because Sasha is here. The other Slayers are off spending holiday with their parents and she’s here. I don’t think it’s as bad as Christmas Eve in the backyard was for me, but I’m going to do my best to make it a good Christmas for her. She’s taking a few days off patrol, if both she and Giles can stand it. We all need a break._

_Giles has informed me that Sasha and I are welcome to join his family for Christmas dinner tomorrow. I’m trying not to read anything into it._

 

**December 26, 2006**

_Boxing Day. Actually 4AM Boxing Day. I can’t sleep._

_Christmas was very nice. We started out with presents. Giles really liked the book on Aboriginal Legends and Magical Practices that I picked up for him and Sasha loved the boots – they’ll never be a fashion statement, but they’re this weird combination of ballet slipper and combat boot – when I saw them I thought of her. Sasha gave me a hat – she said it was from her and the other girls, but she picked it out. It makes me look like Indiana Jones. Totally cool. Giles gave me a machete._

_It seems like a weird gift, but it was probably on account of all the e-bitching I did about the wear and tear my sword was getting on the jungle vegetation. It’ll totally come in handy._

_Could that have been a hint that there’s another jungle assignment in my near future? Or maybe that he wants me to think of him as a move though the jungle my fingers wrapped tight around-_

_Move your mind away from the bad place, Xan._

_This is why I can’t sleep._

_Giles and Sasha had an argument before dinner about the appropriateness of blue eyeshadow. Sasha remarked that if she was old enough to kill things, she was old enough to wear makeup out. I laughed until I noticed how short her dress was and very nearly ordered her up to her room to change. Note to self – must have Willow accompany her on next shopping trip._

_At some point in the evening, I let the name ‘G-Man’ slip out. Sasha had all sorts of fun with that and it earned me a long forgotten, exasperated look – complete with eye roll – from Giles._

_Giles’ family is great. It’s nice being with people that you don’t have to talk in code around. They are down with the Slay-age. I asked Marian what she’d do if Elizabeth showed any Slayer tendencies and she said ‘send her for training, of course.’ I guess when your father and brother are both Watchers it’s just something that’s obvious._

_Speaking of Elizabeth, she’s gotten so big. She’s doing the whole walking and talking thing now which is great, but why is it when babies start talking that they immediately say something to embarrass the hell out of us? She started with a plea for attention to be picked up by her ‘Unca Ruper’, which immediately got me thinking of Giles’ other nickname, and while I was distracted she launched herself at me with an ‘Unca Xan’._

_Sasha looked from me to Giles, then back to me again. Giles didn’t look at me for close to twenty minutes, but he was blushing. And not in the adorable way that he was earlier – this was probably an ‘oh dear Lord’ kind of blush. And he polished his glasses._

Twice.

_He really shouldn’t have been so freaked because, let’s face it, Elizabeth’s around two and she just makes connections like that. She sees me and Giles together and that’s how she thinks of it, it’s a two-year-old’s brain. That’s how it works._

_I tried to make that point to him on the drive home, but he didn’t want to listen. And then I tried to make it into a joke and said the lamest thing imaginable – ‘At least, she didn’t call me Auntie Xan’._

_Giles is not telepathic, but I could hear the ‘Xander, do shut up’ in my head loud and clear._

_While I was suffering in silence in the passenger seat, Sasha started giggling and finally let out ‘Auntie Xan and the G-Man’ at the top of her lungs. I think she may have overindulged with the eggnog._

_When we got back to the compound, Giles stood at the bottom of the stairs and stammered on and on about how we shouldn’t read anything into what a little girl had said, which is really the point I’d been trying to make, although it didn’t bug me as much when I’d said it. And then he said ‘goodnight and Merry Christmas’ and went up to his office._

_Sasha hit me then, and pointed up. There, above the spot where Giles had stood yammering on for two and a half minutes, was a sprig of mistletoe._

_Why the hell am I documenting all of this like a ridiculous infatuated schoolgirl? Ooh, I wonder if he likes me. Get a hold of yourself, Xan._

_Just had a weird thought. Anybody reading this might be able to consult Giles’ diary to find out the other side. Cross-referencing really does have its advantages._

 

**May 6, 2007**

_After the embarrassment of Christmas, I expected to stay away longer, but there’s an honest-to-goodness Apocalypse aversion going on right now and I’ve been called into it. I’ve got a team of seven that I’m taking out, the smallest group of the bunch, but since I’ve got the least amount of patrol hours – I’m not sure how that happened, but I think I’ve become a Finder more than a Watcher the past three years – they want me to run with a few more experienced Slayers. That’s fine by me._

_I asked for Sasha to be on my team, but Giles wasn’t going for it. I guess it’s enough that she’ll be out with him and Rona. I trust him to keep her safe. There’s going to be attacks on the magical front as well as just the physical fighting. I think it’ll look something like_ Braveheart _by the time it’s done. Except without all the blue paint._

_We go tonight. There’s still a lot to be done before the battle starts._

_I really hope this isn’t my last entry._

 

**May 7, 2007**

_There’s a rhythm and a confidence the Scoobies have that’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m only bragging a little bit here, but when it comes to saving the world, there’s none better than the Sunnydale survivors. It didn’t hurt that Willow was shouting telepathic orders from high above the battlefield – after an early magic flourish showed no impact on the creature in question, she moved up and out to help us in our efforts._

_And let me just say for the record, dragons are a bitch to fight. Especially when they have a demon horde guarding them. At least the demons weren’t like the Turok-Han. They were much easier to kill. Once you got past the flamey dragon breath to get to them, that is. The trick to killing the dragon was to find its weakness. Kinda like Luke and the Death Star._

_I wonder if Andrew will use that analogy in his diary. It’ll either be that or “The Hobbit”. Never fear, dear reader, between Andrew, Dawn, Giles, and myself, I’m sure you’ll have a plethora of analogies to choose from._

_On that note, long story short, we were magical, we were beautiful and once again we saved the world. The full logistical breakdown of the battle will have to wait until I get some rest and can put it into perspective._

_The battle was not without its casualties. Kennedy went down early, a victim of one of the demon’s swords. She and Willow had been over for a long time, but it still had to hurt Willow to see that happen. I’ll go check on Willow later. Agnes, one of the newer girls, took a dragon blast full on._

_Lexi’s got a broken arm and many of the girls had cuts and bruises. Giles, Dawn and I got them patched up best as we could. Slayer healing should take care of the rest. Andrew was knocked unconscious. I think Giles, our resident expert on head injuries, is keeping an eye on him. Sasha is fine. I must have checked on her twenty times in the span on two hours before she yelled ‘Go away, Xan’ and slammed the door on me._

_What? I’m not allowed to worry?_

 

**May 9, 2007**

_Skyward again. And right now, I feel kinda sick._

_I want so badly to be back in London. We’re only twenty minutes out. I could tell them to turn around and go back._

_Because I am not reading too much into the fact that Giles kissed me._

_I think my lips are still tingling._

_I barely remembered to put the glamour on the carry-on._

_It happened like this. We parked in one of those airport drop-off zones. And he pops the trunk and I say ‘see you in a couple months’ and get out of the car. In a completely unprecedented move, he gets out of the car as well and follows me around to the back and helps me with the luggage. He holds on to one of my suitcases until I take it from him._

_‘Xander, thank you so much for coming,’ he says, and then he’s leaning forward and he’s kissing me, and I’ve got two hands full of suitcases and a carry-on that’s adding to the distance between us as well as banging him in the hip. He pulls back before I can drop them and tells me to ‘be safe.’ Then he gets into the car and drives off._

_The next thing I know there’s a car honking at me and I’m scrambling out of the parking space with my bags._

_So that’s what happened. I’ll probably analyze it to death from now until the next time I get back to London._

 

**May 18, 2007**

_Got an e-mail from Sasha. She’s going on an assignment in Scotland this weekend. Luna and Vi are heading up with her._

_I’ll need to give Giles a call about the assignment. I’m not going to prevent her from going or anything like that. It’s part of her calling and I respect that. But her excitement of spending a few days outside of London didn’t really give me the details of the danger they are facing. It can’t be any worse than a dragon, I’m sure._

_Because I’m not calling just to hear his voice. Which I haven’t heard since that day at the airport. Yes, he has sent me seven e-mails since then and I can’t make anything out of them or that closing of his:_

_Yours truly,_  
Rupert Giles  
Head Watcher, Council of Watchers, London 

_If I hadn’t been seeing that since he started sending e-mails from the Council, I might read some significance into it._

_Rupert Giles, mine truly, since 2003._

_I wonder how he closes his e-mails to Buffy. Should I ask her?_

_I’ll bet Giles doesn’t go on like this in his Watcher’s Diary._

 

**June 11, 2007**

_I really don’t know how parents – real parents, like Buffy’s mom – manage to deal with the Slayer thing. How they can let their daughter go out and possibly face death night after night. Maybe it’s trust. Maybe it’s the trust trap that I’ve fallen into. Trusting that each girl will have the training to keep herself safe. Trusting that the others will let no harm come to her. Isn’t that why I do my job in the first place? Finding these girls so that they can ultimately get the tools to keep them safe, instead of leaving them out there alone with the vampires and forces of darkness._

_But in doing so, I’m throwing them into a spot where they can be hurt._

_I’m writing this today in the hospital. Sasha’s been in surgery for ten hours. I’ve been here for three – I didn’t bother to pack anything, just jumped on the first plane I could. I didn’t even wait for the Council jet. Willow picked me up from Heathrow and drove me out here. She’s the one that called me._

_Giles hasn’t really said anything to me since I showed up. Willow has been here holding my hand the entire time. I remember her in the hospital when Buffy was shot, levitating the bullet out of her body. I can feel energy pouring out of her, knowing that in some way she’s using healing magic to supplement whatever the doctors are doing. Either that or she’s trying to keep me calm._

 

**June 11, 2007**

_Three hours later…_

_It seemed to take forever – Slayers coming and going, checking on the status of the patient. Dawn brought hot cocoa for me and tea for Giles from the cafeteria._

_The doctor came out finally, and the waiting room full of girls got quiet. He asked for the responsible party. Both Giles and I stand up. The doctor doesn’t bat an eye. I guess he assumed that we’re a couple. He tells us that Sasha has suffered massive internal bleeding; they believe they were able to stop all of it, but they need to keep her here for a few nights for observation._

_They only allow one person to be in the room for the first few hours after surgery. Luckily, no one, including Giles, was about to challenge my right to be there when Sasha woke up._

_I write this now, looking at this little slip of a girl in the hospital bed. I know I’ve saved her from one life. Now who’s going to save her from this one?_

 

**June 12, 2007**

_Sasha finally woke up. Her first words to me were ‘You’re here. It must be really bad. Am I dying?’ I told her no, and not to scare me like that again._

_It hits me what she said. I ask her if she’s gotten hurt before and she tells me ‘lots of times’. She starts pointing at various spots on her arms and legs and forehead. Slayer healing has obliterated the physical scars, but she still remembers – even tells me what demons are responsible for each one. As if that helps._

_I so wanted to kill Giles. All those e-mails sent back and forth over the years. He should have at least mentioned it._

_He probably knew I’d fly off the handle. And then he’d tell me to consult the handbook and various historical texts about the role of the Slayer._

_He can be such an unbelievable bastard sometimes._

_I tell him this when he shows up at the door on Sasha’s room. He says he knows._

_Sasha – the traitor – was nearly as glad to see him as she was to see me._

_I start to leave. Giles tells me not to go far. I suspect there’s a lecture coming._

_Lectures have to wait until I get some caffeine in the system, which is why I’m sitting in the hospital cafeteria, slowly sipping what passes for coffee, and obsessing over what’s going to happen._

_What Giles is going to tell me –_  
You’re too close.  
You have no clue as to what it means to be a Watcher.  
You have to be more objective about this.  
You had no right to abandon your post and come here.  
This isn’t going to be covered in your expense account. (Actually, Andrew is going to tell me that).  
These things happen to Slayers.  
Your love for her is obstructing your duty to her.  
I’m relieving you from your position. 

_God, that’s depressing._

_I’m starting to feel the way that Giles felt after he got fired._

_Xan, are you actually comparing Giles to Quentin Travers? That’s crazy. He’s Giles. It’s a new Council._

_Maybe I’ll be okay._

_Here comes Giles._

_If I’m no longer a Watcher, will they confiscate this diary?_

 

**June 12, 2007**

_Six hours later…_

_I’m still a Watcher. Obviously._

_The first thing he said to me was ‘Have you slept?’_

_I must have stood there gaping like a fish instead of handling the throw from way the hell out of left field._

_He offered to take me back to Casa Giles. I agree under the condition that I can look in on Sasha before I go._

_When we get to the room, Jaci and Sasha are playing Speed, which is actually quite interesting to see. Cards flying everywhere, girls laughing and slapping each others hands. Luna comes up behind me and gives my arm a squeeze. It’s good to see the three of them together. They seem as tight as me, Buffy, and Willow. There’s a bit of a skirmish that happens when Jaci sets her last card down with a triumphant ‘ha!’ Sasha argues that the drugs have slowed her down and that Jaci took unfair advantage of a sick person._

_I tell them to make sure they don’t kill each other when we’re gone and watch as the other two crowd into the bed on either side of Sasha to watch a soap opera. I once again marvel at the similarity of these girls and us. I point them out to Giles ‘Hey look, Scoobies Two – the next generation.’_

_Giles didn’t say anything. Guess he wanted us to go somewhere so he could do the tar and feathering in private._

_I’m at Giles’ house, in the guest room. Everything keeps circling over and over in my brain and I don’t know if I’m going to be successful with the sleeping. How am I supposed to tell Giles how I feel about Sasha? How am I supposed to tell him when I can hardly get a handle on it myself? It’s all wrapped up in my past and hers and the instant connection that we made. It’s how I feel when I read her e-mails or get a report from Andrew or Giles that mentions her. It goes so much deeper than Watcher-Slayer. Maybe it’s similar to what Giles has with Buffy. He was so lucky to be able to be there and spend the time with her._

_I want that with Sasha. I want to be able to be here to bandage her wounds, to feed her ice-cream when she has a terrible date, to watch her grow into the incredible woman I know she’ll become._

_There’s going to be more to it, I know. More responsibility. Other girls under my care. Weekly Council meetings that I’ve managed to avoid by being on the road. Research._

_Seeing Giles everyday. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Good. Definitely good. Why wouldn’t it be good?_

_Just because it’s going to be incredibly hard to be around him and ~~not to be able to~~_

_It’s just going to be hard. But good. I think._

 

**June 13, 2007**

_The Slayer healing has kicked in. Sasha’s doctor says he’s never seen anyone recover so quickly from this kind of surgery. I have no idea what to say to that. Giles uses what can only be considered – by me, at least – a well-practiced story that he probably learned as a zygote. Strong girl, physically fit, been in good health her whole life, the whole spiel. By the time he was finished, I was half convinced that she was just an ordinary girl with extraordinary healing._

_Which, actually, she is. Sort of._

_Giles and I straightened a few things out this morning. We talked about Sasha, about her accident – or accidents, since I thought it was important to mention that she’d been wounded more than this once, which Giles didn’t deny, about the school and the job, about the possibility of me staying in London for longer than a week. Giles had thought I was happy with all the traveling, and I was, but it’s time for me to stop running away from things that are important to me. I need to love the people I love in the time that I have them. I didn’t say those words, exactly, but I think it came through pretty clearly._

_So Vi and Rona have been elected to go on world tour. It’ll be a nice change of pace for them both, and they’ll probably be able to alert us to problems in other parts of the world much better than I did._

_Sasha takes the news with an ‘oh’. Just that. Oh. Maybe it’s the teenager starting to come to the surface._

_Then she asks if that meant she couldn’t go to the clubs anymore with the girls on Friday nights._

_She’s twelve._

_But then again, she’s a twelve year old that’s seen combat for three years._

_I could see that Giles was trying to hide a grin. God, he’s been dealing with teenagers for ten years. It’s a wonder his hair isn’t white by now._

_I told her that if she kept her grades up, it wouldn’t be a problem. And then I said that maybe I’d go with her._

_You know that look that someone gives when all the past slights of the world were about to be vindicated. Well, it was on Giles’ face right before Sasha pointed out that I’m old._

_Old?!! I’m not even thirty yet. There are a few Slayers that I’ve found that are my age – and a couple that are even older by a few years. I just felt that I needed to point that out._

_Because I’m not old. Just kinda ready to settle down and be responsible._

_Did I really just write that?_

 

**September 15, 2007**

_Late night. Waiting for the girls to come back from patrol. There’s a pot of tea on the stove and bandages at the ready. The Junior Scoobies are out tonight which means Rupert is home sleeping peacefully and I’m here writing, simply because I’m tired of pacing._

_We spent a lovely day with Elizabeth yesterday. She and I played ‘Slayers and Demons’. I managed to requisition a very nice two-handed sword from Andrew’s Xena doll. Let’s face it, Elizabeth’s Barbies have a lot of accessories, but decent weaponry isn’t among them. They have battles against the stuffed dragon that she carries everywhere – definitely more harmless than the real thing. I made her some miniature stakes too, but even Elizabeth knows that they won’t work against dragons._

_She’s begun the fascination with the marriage thing. Apparently when someone is as old as I am, they should have a wife. And she asked, of course, why I didn’t. What was I supposed to say to that? A demon showed me my possible future and I ran away from the girl I was supposed to marry? And that’s not even where I am now. So I said something about being a Watcher which of course she connected – she’s a very smart girl – to her Uncle Rupert. Who, she informed me, also didn’t have a wife. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear that was a set-up._

_Rupert always gets a bit sentimental after we spend some time with her. I don’t know if he regrets not having kids, but I look around at what we have here and some days it doesn’t seem too far from parenthood._

_The girls are back home, safe and sound for another night. I can sleep easier knowing that._

 

**November 8, 2007**

_Rupert is talking on the phone to Buffy. She and I have been plotting to have an American Thanksgiving get-together here at Casa Giles._

_Being in England, the possibility of a Chumash attack should be rather slim._

_Rupert plunks himself down on the couch next to me. He’s got a big goofy grin on his face. I love seei_

 

**November 9, 2007**

_I’m going to have to encourage Buffy to call more often._

 

**December 31, 2007**

_I’m not in the guest room at Giles’ place anymore._

_I don’t know if he’s realized that certain objects have made their way to the night table on my side of the bed. My pictures of the Scooby gang and the Junior Scoobies. A drawing that Elizabeth made for me. This diary._

_We’re going to work on moving my clothes in tomorrow. Giles doesn’t know that that’s his New Year’s resolution yet. As it is, my Indiana Jones hat is currently atop my head. I think it works well with the Superman boxers._

_Giles seems to agree with that. Very much._

_Tomorrow marks the beginning of 2008. New Year. Fresh start. For the first time in forever, I feel hopeful._


End file.
